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This has been a really good experience for me so far.  I’ve really been working on digging in to improve who I am – not by changing myself – but by becoming more in tune with who I am and peeling off the layers of external “me” to get to the root of who I am, really.

Because isn’t that what we teach our students in martial arts?  That it isn’t a bench sitting sport.  That it is something that everyone can participate in, in their own way, and that everyone’s expression is going to be different.  That the naturally athletic kid and the kid still learning his left from right can share the mat together, and enjoy time together.  That they can learn tolerance, personal growth, and becoming who they really are.  We are there as instructors to guide them, to give them a space to try things out, but not to tell them who they are.

But if I don’t know entirely, to the core, what I stand for and who I am?  Then how could I possibly do this with my students?

What I’ve figured out so far.

I enjoy collaborating and creating. I enjoy laughter, joy, and seeing people break through barriers.  I enjoy learning new things, and experiencing new people and perspectives.  I like seeing the levels my body can go to.  I like having conversations, sharing what I know, and following the rabbit hole of my passions.

Because I am getting more and more connected with who I am, I am saying no more to the activities that do not align with who I am becoming, and saying yes to those that I see as a direction in which I would like to grow and evolve.  I feel unapologetic about it, and instead know that I must say no to things that pull me off my path. It’s that mat chat quote we all use while teaching; stand for something or fall for anything.

Regarding the tasks of the Ultimate Black Belt Test, I’m well on my way.  As with my coaching through my knowledge gained within my Precision Nutrition certification, we are much much more likely to be successful when we try to change one small thing at a time.  Just like we do not expect our white belt students to perform at black belt level, I am also being strategic about what I start with first, building those habits, and then adding in over time. I’ve been consistent with the physical requirements, and I am doing dedicated strength training at least 5 days a week, cardio at least 3 days, and at least 4 jiu jitsu sessions each week, including live sparring.

I’ve been working for a few weeks with my friend who teaches the boxing component at our school in order to strip back down to the basics, and then will take those 10 boxing classes taught by a pro this summer when I am out of work (I’ll be taking my friend with me to pay it forward to give him back the time he’s helping me).

I’ve been listening to the books on my list as well as a few others; I just finished Hurry Up and Meditate  to strengthen my practice (highly recommended – not only explains the benefits of meditation but also goes into many ways it can be practiced) and began The Tao of Pooh which I am also enjoying. Hilarious, true, and making me see that perhaps I need to do more research about Daoism past my knowledge gained in a university eastern religions class.  I’ve been practicing learning Spanish on Duolingo, which I’m on a 29 day streak and I feel really good about it.  I’ve been trying to actually learn the language since Freshman year in college, and now since we are all about finishing things we started, what better time than now.

I’ve been working with repairing relationships, and really made some headway with my dad.  I saw him tonight for dinner, and he even remarked how he feels that things are getting better with us.  I won’t go into the details of things we’ve gone through here, but this is the most significant relationship (other than the one with my self) that I haven’t forgiven the way I needed to for myself, and it is very freeing to get to this place.

I’m continuing to work to build the local women’s jiu jitsu community in my area, to make sure we are strong and a support for each other.  A group of us from at least 3 different academies roll together every Tuesday morning, and we have all drastically improved because of it.  I manage our group page and make sure events get planned. We collect donations that go to our local domestic violence shelter.  I want to do more with them than just collect money.  This will have to be a summer plan, as I currently have 4 different jobs right now (don’t worry, non are truly full time) and need to clear other things off my plate before I embark on this side of the project.  I want to make sure I can follow through when it comes to something where others are depending on me, and that means good timing.  In my own dojo, I’m working to find all of the women that I can who are in other programs and help them to try out jiu jitsu.  Just today we had 5 of us on the mat.  It’s a rare class that only 2 of us, and we have never, in many months, not had at least one women in every class.

My kata hasn’t really been realized, and a video from a fellow UBBTer, Jeremy Smith, (his blog), reminded me that I have a lot of work to do (thanks Jeremy!). I originally was going to do a jiu jitsu kata, spent time putting it together, and got a decent amount of reps in with my partner to get it done.  But with taking with my instructor, we talked about the transformative process mentally that is supposed to happen while learning and then practicing a kata.  I didn’t feel that I was getting that experience, but rather was struggling more with scheduling time in to get it done, than relax into it and make it my own.  So my instructor and I are actually working on building a kata based on my favorite kenpo (Ed Parker’s system) techniques and the overall principles of movement.  We’ve both been very caught up in preparation for our IKI Krav Maga affiliation seminar this upcoming week, and our extra time has been dedicated to practicing everything that we have learned to prepare for grading.  Once this is complete on the 20th, I want to really dig into it and not have it hanging over my head.

I’m currently prepping for a grappling tournament in our Hayastan style on April 7th.  A good portion of our team is going, and myself as well as another of the instructors at my school are responsible for their prep and coaching the day of.  It’s exhilarating, but also means we have been working to fit more in and really drill in the basics with an emphasis on escapes.  Regardless of the outcome, training for a competition, I feel, always brings on a great growth period that isn’t there when it’s off season.

Till next week.

Continue reading “UBBT – End Week 6; The Tao of Pooh among other things…” →

We get hit a lot in life. It’s just one of those facts. Nothing you can do about it, except live a life hidden away in bubble wrap. But even under that condition you’ll suffer from the effects of not getting enough sunlight, not socializing with others, not building goals or seeing the results take form.  So no matter how you look at it, a life is one that we are going to get bumped, bruised, scraped, and sometimes even broken.

Being an instructor, but not the head instructor of my school, means that I get called up on occasion to take some hits when techniques are demonstrated.  Last night was no exception.  My instructor has an inward and outward block which feels like a truck just ran into your arm.  And this is what we were teaching, was how to use bracing angles as well as properly use the sharp end of the bone to create that sting – every good block is also a strike. So after that experience, I got to thinking, if I, as an instructor/student, follow the addage “out of the dojo and into the world,” then there should be an important message here.

And there is.

There are a few things that I do in this situation to get through it, and they can all apply to daily life.

1) I squarely face my instructor. In life, sometimes we try to turn away from the things that we know are going to be painful, thinking if we avoid it, it will go away.  Doesn’t work that way.  If we face it dead on the first time, we take it, learn what we need to learn from it, and can walk away from it with a greater understanding.

2) I breathe.  I know I’m going to get hit, I cannot do anything about it, nor do I do it out of distress.  It’s an honor to be the Uki to be able to assist with teaching the class. Problems can be dealt with when we can breathe through them.  When we can take those couple of seconds to focus on our breath, get present, and tense up or relax right at that perfect moment.  There are plenty of times that we need to brace ourselves, but if we walk around tensed up, not knowing when we can relax, then life gets pretty stressful.  And when you do get hit, at that moment you needed to take a breath before you pass out, the capacity to deal with it is diminished.

3) I shake it off. It is not pleasant getting thrown off a horse.  Be it that you got fired, rejected, physically hurt, emotionally hurt, or embarrassed, no matter what – it just doesn’t feel good.  And when people are present to it – it just adds layers to coping than if you were able to be off on your own and just ugly cry about it.  In a group of my students, looking to me for a reaction, not knowing what that hit entirely felt like (they learned in a few minutes practicing!), I had to body scan for damage, and pull up a mental script to set the pain aside and let it dissipate on it’s own to move on.  I could have stayed in the present moment of how much it hurt. I could have then talked about it, went on and on about it, living in it – being stuck there instead of moving on to the next phase. Which is what we can tend to do sometimes when we are faced with something big – we become consumed by the pain that we cannot see past it.

4) I use humor or some other coping skill. I choose to use humor a lot when I am teaching, because ultimately, while people come to learn martial arts, they also join up to feel good and to have fun.  Unless you are in the middle of some crazy preparation (and sometimes you need it then more than ever), people want to connect, laugh about shared experiences, and grow stronger together as a team.  As I walked around to help the students get the movement down, a couple students remarked how well I took it because their arms were burning from the blocks.  We laughed a little about our shared experience, and they kept repping it out.  When bowing out of class we praised the students on their red arms and they smiled with pride of being able to complete the class and understand the importance of the movement. After class, I reflected on the experience feeling grateful for training in a school teaching adequate self defense as well as helping to connect people.

So really, I cannot think of a single challenge that turned out in my favor that I didn’t use some bit of these steps.  Every time we step on the mats, we can go through the motions, or we can learn how we become better people through what we experienced that day.  We can take some time to meditate on what we experienced, and how we can take it back out into the world. Because we aren’t expecting to get attacked every day of our lives, but we are going to interact with others, experience challenges, build futures, and mourn losses.  As Sensei Callos says, our founder of the UBBT (check it out here ), “out of the dojo, into the world.” Make your training count.

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I’m one of many.  Check out what my 2018 Ultimate Black Belt cohort is also accomplishing: https://tomcallos.com/ubbt-team-2018/

We all have to start somewhere.  It isn’t pretty.  It typically isn’t organized.  And it typically isn’t something that we want to share out with the world.

But one of the greatest challenges I see with our current society is the fact that the only side of ourselves that we want to share with the outside world is that shiny, happy side that looks all put together, perfect, and without problems.  So we don’t get to see that other messier side of people.

And I get that.  Who wants to show a side that makes us look vulnerable, falling apart, or less than perfect?  But what side of us really makes more progress?  The one who hung out all day with our best friends, sitting and chatting, or the one that just cried for 4 hours because we realized that we aren’t really being true to what we want and we desperately desire to hit the reset button?

We always have so many opportunities available to us that will help us move forward.  To move toward our passions, to build the life of our designs, but we don’t move.  We sit, we watch another show.  We have another drink, we go on another night out with friends.

 

What’s your goal? What personal-growth accomplishment are you seeking to achieve right now?  Send me a message through the contact page and I’ll add your journey to the projects.  Doesn’t matter if you are just thinking about starting, half way through, almost there, or something you accomplished already that is a spring board for better living.  Huge, small, doesn’t matter.  Maybe it was making yourself breakfast for a whole week.  Maybe it was finally introducing yourself to people you were afraid of.  Maybe it was signing yourself up for a class or program. Share with us the lessons you learned by doing so.  Lets be real and bring others along with us.  

Till next time…..